Nissan - The Musical
Nissan hits a high Note with their all-new production
Act 1 - Flight of the homo
The stage was set: Marseille 2006, the cast and crew were assembled and a new star was about to be born….
I'd like to say I flew into Marseille under the cloak of darkness and
met with a man in a mackintosh under the town clock at midnight to
exchange briefcases, mine containing a copy of AXM and a prawn baguette
for his containing information, pricing and specs on the all new Nissan
Note. However it didn't quite go down like that, instead I flew to
Marseille on the Nissan Press plane with selected journalists from the
motoring world for the world press launch. After landing we were taken
to the airport car park to collect our Note test cars and route plan
which involved driving Nissan's latest addition in their line up around
the picturesque countryside of Marseille for 2 days.
Act 2 - Size isn't everything (yeah right!)
I teamed up with the delightful Mike and set about finding fault with
our chosen model, which I have to say proved to be a lot harder than we
first anticipated. Looks wise from the front it looks very Murano cross
Micra which although it sounds hideous really quite works. The rear
view reminds me of a Volvo 850 complete with boomerang styled rear
lights that extend over onto the roofline. It was at our first "Rich
needs a fag" stop where I realised just how funky the new Note is. It's
a cool looking car with it's tinted rear windows and high waistline,
the sloping roof and rear lights give it a sporty stance.
It's ultra compact outside but you'd never know it sat inside as it
feels massive, buckets of front and rear leg room and masses of head
room, the interior continues the funky retro feel of the new Micra.
It's a tardis built on an extended Micra platform, the rear bench seat
moves back and forth allowing you to fit either luggage for a dirty
weekend away in Blackpool or your 2 week Gran Canarian sun fest. Nissan
really have excelled in making the most of all the space available,
it's got some cool touches like the multi level rear boot that allows
you to either have a level or sunken floor for extra storage, a chilled
glove box big enough to store several bottles of water whilst also
having a map pocket on the front and a 2nd lockable glove box under the
passenger seat to store your new Gucci's from prying eyes.
The Finale
I drove both the 1.6 Petrol and the 1.5 turbo diesel and I have to say
I much preferred the diesel, although it's not as quick it's a gutsy
little engine that performs in my option better than the Petrol, it
also seemed quieter and more responsive than it's petrol powered
sibling.
The gearbox which is borrowed from Renault under their new alliance
agreement with Nissan, (the same alliance that sees the platform of the
Micra and Note being borrowed by Renault to use as the platform for the
new Clio and the Modus) is smooth and does its job well.
Overall I think it's a great car, its unique and far prettier than the
Renault Modus (not that that's difficult) it's practical and it has a
real euro style that just makes it stand out from the competition, its
got the biggest luggage capacity in it's class and it's a total bargain
with the entry level model starting at under 10k.
C+C
TopGayer
had a Pink Micra C+C on our long term test fleet, "Pinkie" as he is
affectionately known was with us for 12 months and although he was
somewhat of a head turner due to his colour, the Micra C+C turns just
as many heads in any other colour. It's a great little car, although
billed as a 4 seater, 3 is a push and if you're planning a long journey
with 3, I'd recommend plenty of stops on the way otherwise your back
seat passenger will be crippled by the time you arrive.
The
thing that makes me love the C+C so much is its glass roof (the only CC
of it's size to offer this as standard), "Pinkie" was the mid range
Sport model and I have to say that he comes with a good level of
equipment as standard and has a more sporting stance than the other
models. The 1.6L engine is lively and gives good performance whilst
still giving great fuel economy.
Interior wise it's very retro and has a big fun factor built in, outside its cute, but is it sexy? No would be the quickest answer, don't get me wrong when you pull something hot in the club they aren't going to run a mile when they see what they will be arriving home in, if anything their more likely to make a sound normally associated with a noise heard when confronted with a litter of Labrador puppies than a sexy drop top. Overall the C+C is a great car it's fun, cute well built and well equipped, and with the sport model starting at £13,995, it's a great package for the money.
..........
Pinkie
Well
any of you that have seen my diary from the 3 day charity tour in the
Pink C+C will know how much and how quickly the C+C has grown on me,
the thing I like most about it is it's so fresh and unique, it's C-View
(panoramic glass) roof makes it the first car within it's segment to
offer such high spec as standard. Its bright airy and comfortable
inside, it feels sporty and light, it's got the biggest boot space in
its class, even with the hood down I fitted a weeks worth of shopping
in and on tour we had boxes and boxes of flyers and promo stuff crammed
in there.
It's also full of ingenious little cubby holes and even has a self
locking storage area under the passenger seat. Outside it has a real
personality, everybody loves it, it looks happy and looking at it gives
you a warm feeling. Around town the C+C is great fun to drive, it's
surprising nippy, it's stylish and stands out from the look-alikes that
are the competition in the sector, cars evoke emotions and the C+C just
screams at you to smile and enjoy yourself. Not only does it look and
feel good, the performance from the 1.6l engine is great, quick and
lively but most importantly refined, you have to actually listen to
check the engines running!!
It's not thirsty either, the 140 miles from home to Brighton to begin
the charity tour used under half a tank of petrol. Which is the next
thing to point out about the C+C, its not just good fun round town,
it's a great long distance motorway car and trust me having spent 3
days and over 40hrs driving mostly on motorways for the tour, I really
think I know that better than anyone, the engine still remains as quite
as a mouse even at 70mph and there is almost zero road noise, the
longest journey I made without stopping or getting out to stretch my
legs was just over 5hrs, when I did finally prise myself from the seat
I wasn't stiff, nothing ached (well nothing that doesn't ache on a
daily basis normally), yes get the C+C on a motorway and it turns from
a punchy little town car into a road going easy chair.
So
is there a down side I here you asking, yes there is and it's one that
really lets the C+C's cool factor down, that's the Stereo which to say
is not great would be an understatement, but being fair its not the
stereo, it's the speakers, the sound quality when you crank it up to
pump out the tuneage whilst your cruising down the high street with the
hood down isn't great, but it's easily rectified by dropping in some
decent aftermarket speakers, even a good bass tube in the boot would
sort it out, so whatever you do if your gonna test drive the C+C don't
put the hood down and turn the stereo up too loud, otherwise your going
to be disappointed and the C+C as a car is well worth the effort of
changing the speakers out.
So what's it going to cost to own a C+C, not as much as you'd think! The entry level 1.4 Urbis is just over 13K, the 1.6 Sport is just under 14k and topping the range at just under 15K is the 1.6 Essenza (the model I drove). So they are get value as well as the funkiest little Coupe-Convertible to hit the streets in recent times.
Juke
Nissan
flew me off to Barcelona (oh the life I hear you cry, but it's all
work!) for the press drive of the soon to be released Nissan QashQai.
I would at this point have said whether it's an SUV, 4X4, hatchback or
MPV, but to be honest I really don't know what it is! It looks like a
"been in the gym too much" beefed up hatchback and in silhouette you
could be forgiven for thinking it was a mini version of the Murano
(Nissan's uber cool SUV).
Available both as a 2 wheel drive and a 4x4, its the driving position
of SUV and looks like a small 4x4 wined, dined and.. (you know the
rest) an MPV and this is the illicit spawn. There's no denying that the
QashQai is funky, very styley and looks cool, the interior is well
designed and feels well built, pretty much every model in the range is
well equipped as standard with the top of the range model having a
panoramic glass roof.
So what's it like to drive? Pleasant, very pleasant. The SUV style
driving position gives you great visibility and it feels light and well
balanced in corners, handling in general is good and all round it's a
lot of fun to drive. It's not the quickest but the performance feels
above average and fuel economy is good. My pick of the models would be
the range topping 4x4 2.0 Diesel which felt lively to drive and had a
certain spark about it. The QashQai is competitively priced at between
16k and 22k and I think a great choice if you're looking for a medium
sized SUV come MPV that's a bit different and stands out from the
crowd.
CALLING ALL UBER GAYS - YOUR TRANSPORT IS WAITING
Well last year I stated that the Murano was the love child of Shane
Ward and a Sabre Toothed Tiger, however I was wrong and I'm happy to
admit it, you see it turns out the Murano has way more sex appeal and a
hell of a lot more class, it also looks like the Murano will be around
and in demand for a lot longer than the above mentioned failing
X-factor super flop Mr Ward (Shane if your reading this - I knew you'd
turn out to be gay!! lol)
I'm not going to wax lyrical about the Murano because it's not great,
who am I kidding it's not great it's AMAZING!!! I love the Murano, it's
rare for me to review anything and not be able to find something wrong
or if nothing wrong something not right, but I took the Murano to hell
and back to find fault, I pulled it apart and put it back together, I
even put it in a drag race against a Porsche Cayenne (which it
thrashed) to prove that somewhere the Murano had a shortfall, but I
came up empty handed, you see the Murano is perfect to live with in
just about every way known to man or beast.
Style wise there's nothing in the SUV market that even comes close to
being as cool, it's so retro cool the word Murano should be submitted
into the gay language as a description for anything so ultra cool it
causes crop top wearing queens to shriek in excitement, it's sub zero
coolness doesn't end with the outside styling either, it's just as
funky inside, the seats are as comfortable as they are luxurious,
controls for everything are exactly where you look for them and the Sat
Nav is first class.
The Murano in my option is one of if not the greatest SUV on the road,
6K cheaper than the most basic X5, ML or Cayenne and the Murano will
turn more heads than any of them.
It's as great to live with as it is to look at, people on the street
love it, I lost count of the amount of times people sat next to me in
traffic commented on how cool my car was, and did I correct any of them
to the fact I didn't own it and that is was a press car…. Did I hell as
like!!
The
tagline Nissan uses for the newly facelifted and resigned Patrol GR is
"it does what it says on the tin" t hey aren't wrong, it's a monster of
a 4x4, there's no SUV nonsense going on with the GR, this mammoth of a
machine is just as happy going sideways up a mountain as it is cruising
down the M4. It's not a pretty "popping down the shops for a pint of
milk and a pack of digestives" wannabe, it's also not a slim svelte
slip of a 4x4 aimed at the school run pickups. What it is though is a
big butch "Hi, I don't want your life story, now get out of my road"
luxury 4x4 aimed at those who want to arrive in militia chic, it's a
pure utilitarian earth mover the only thing missed is a roof mounted
machine gun turret.
If it was a TV chef it would be a
cross between Gordon Ramsey and Jamie Oliver, it's the hot guy down the
road who swears like a trooper and it doesn't know what the word sorry
means. I didn't open the bonnet to look at the engine once just in case
it tried to bite me! Don't get me wrong it's pure sex appeal, it's tall
dark and handsome, it's a hired assassin with a flick knife in it's
teeth, it's fast (when you put the auto box into Power Mode) it's built
like a tank, but still quiet as a mouse till you put your foot to the
floor and the 3L turbo diesel engine shouts a deep throaty roar. You
feel so totally safe behind the wheel, yes go round corners at speed
and your knuckles turn an unattractive shade of white, but anything
that's got 210mm of ground clearance and weighs in at nearly 2500kg is
bound to have a bit of body roll when pushed, but it's not a great big
lulling boat either, it feels tight and precise.
Inside
is a totally different story, it's like a weekend at Champneys, your
cosseted in the softest leather seating, wood effect trim as far as the
eye can see, the soft feel surfaces whisper gently in your ear "relax,
let me rub it better", the Sat Nav is one of the best I've ever used,
it's precise and very detailed and not once did it make me take a quick
left due to it being behind where I was in my journey.
My press car
was the seven seat version and I tested it to the full by throwing 5
gays and a lesbian in it for a trip to Bristol, to check comfort levels
in all three rows of seating we sat in 2+2+2 formation with me at the
helm. Thanks to the sliding middle row (complete with individual
leather armrests and reclining function) we were able to enhance the
3rd rows legroom (although it's still cramped for a tall adult) to a
reasonable level and just like the first 2 rows the leather seats are
soft and comfortable. All of my passengers complimented the Patrol and
really liked just about everything about it.
So now the downsides, it's thirsty as I found out on my trip to the
MPH05 show at Earls Court in London, although not anymore so than any
other proper 4x4 on the road, but the only other and the biggest
irritation of the Patrol is the lack of instrument lights, by this I'm
talking about the steering wheel remote controls for the stereo and the
electric windows switches, which at night make it almost impossible to
find the right button or the right window first time, it's fine when
your used to the car, I would imagine after a few weeks of ownership
you'd know them like the back of your hand, however the other area that
could desperately use some form of lighting is the centre console that
runs between the front seats, at night you have to switch on the main
light or flick the Sat Nav to "daytime" setting to get enough light to
find anything you may have put in the pockets.
Overall the face lifted Patrol is a fantastic 4x4, it's a very capable,
it's fun and I have to say that the press cars G1 GRR number plate
(Nissan have the best plates on their press cars) adds to the fun as
people do stop and stare, it's a joy and pleasure to drive and be
driven in, the model and spec I had will set you back just over 33k so
it's also outstanding value for money
For
those of you not "in the know" TopGayer is based in Cheltenham, if
you've turned the telly on or picked up a paper in the last few months
you'll know that most of Gloucestershire has been under water recently.
Enter stage left Nissan's Navara double cab pick-up truck to my rescue,
this big red shiny monster carried me through the flooded roads and
proved to be pretty much unstoppable by just about everything I threw
at it during the worse floods seen in 60yrs. Now you're thinking why
the hell I would want a pick-up truck, for a kick off its massively
imposing, has great performance and looks better than that stud with
the perfect abs you've cut out of Men's Health and stuck on the fridge.
Just like the aforementioned dream boat the Navara gets better looking
the dirtier you get it, however unlike the picture perfect stud, the
Navara has way more depth and it'll still look rock hard in 10yrs time.
Now the gutsy 2.5L diesel engine has great pulling power and helped tow several stranded motorists out of the floods with ease, it also sounds beefy and really shifts when you need it to, kicking out 171hp it also claims to be the most powerful engine is its class. Regardless of its power and capabilities its great fun to drive and has SUV-like handling. Its also very well equipped as standard, the Outlaw model I had came with front / rear electric windows, electric heated mirrors, CD player, dual zone air-con and the c-load payload locking system (which I used to secure the 2,000 litres of bottled water we used the Navara to deliver to the elderly and home bound when we had no water coming out of the taps for 2 weeks).
So it looks great, does the business, goes like a train and when you pull up outside the gay bar, boys and girls alike will be swooning over you new rough tough go-anywhere image, nothing says sexy like a big pick-up truck especially when that truck is the Navara. The Navara Outlaw double cab starts at £22,000 and is on sale now.
The
Nissan 350Z is a true, no compromise sports car that emulates the
philosophy behind the legendary 240Z of the early '70s, mixing
technological excellence with passion and emotion in an eminently
practical package. First introduced in March 2003 in Coupe form and
from March 2005 in Roadster form, both models share the same pure,
two-seater sports car formula, with rear-wheel drive, dramatic styling
and equally dramatic performance from a front-mounted 3.5 litre V6
engine pumping out 280 PS. As well as developing an impressive 280 PS,
the V6 has a massive 363 Nm of torque with high levels available even
at low engine speeds. Top speed is an electronically-limited 155mph
with 0-62mph taking just 5.9 seconds (Roadster 6.4 seconds)
Then there's the powerful, race-developed Brembo brakes, the almost
perfect front-to-rear weight distribution, a low centre of gravity, and
multi-link independent suspension all-round ensuring it handles as well
as it goes.
And despite its mouth-watering spec, the 350Z is one of the most
competitively priced, 155 mph, two seater sports cars available, with
low depreciation and insurance costs.
The launch of the Roadster has added a new dimension to the 350Z story.
Its automatic roof transforms from top up to top down in around 20
seconds and in either mode the 350Z Roadster looks every inch as
sensational as its coupe sister.
Because Nissan expects owners to be spending a lot of time in the
350Z's low slung driving position - you won't want to get out - a lot
of convenience spec comes asstandard including climate
control air conditioning, a trip computer and a 160 W radio/cassette
and in-dash 6 CDautochanger - although with an exhaust note specially
tuned for maximum aural pleasure, that'sontop of standard 18 inch
alloys, ESP stability control and xenon headlamps with washers.
The
model line-up has been kept deliberately simple and as well as the
Standard model, both Coupe and Roadster are also available in 'GT Pack'
form, which adds cruise control, heated and electric leather seats and
a premium Bose audio system. A unique-to-the-'GT Pack' option is the
bright Alezan Orange leather upholstery, which on the Roadster includes
unique ventilated net seats designed to enhance the open top experience.
Finally, for those customers looking for something a little more extreme then there's the e
ven more potent - and in Ultra Yellow guise, the even more lairy - 35th
Anniversary Z. They need to be quick, however, since this high
performance, limited edition Coupe is restricted to just 176 cars in
the UK.
Here's a quick sum for you: Nissan sporting heritage + 2 seats + 3.5V6 + coupe or roadster styling = Total package