A3

 

I currently love the new A3, Audi have got it spot on the money again when it comes to restyling its ever popular Astra / Golf / Focus segment motor. Great levels of equipment as standard coupled with engines giving superb performance regardless of size. Yes the A3 costs a little more than most, yes it's more expensive to run, maintain and insure, but as L'Oréal would say 'I'm worth it'

..........

A3 Sportback

 

Hmmm to say that the Sportback version of the A3 is an attractive car from all angles is somewhat of a challenge. Front on its gorgeous, from the side profile its not so great, looking at it from behind makes me think of Colleen 'I'm a reeeeal woman I am' Rooney, its all hips dips and not much personality.

However as I sit and type these words with my thoughts immortalised in print, thousands are rolling off the production line, finding homes with family guys, girls and gays. Why so? Because as small estates go, it's a brilliant motor, mainly because firstly you can't be sure till your side on whether its actually an estate or not. Secondly, inside the littlest Audi estate is just cavernous, huge loads disappear quickly (mind on the car people!) and easily, there's bucket loads of room for front and rear seat passengers. Then throw into the mix any of Audi's phenomenal engines and hey presto - instant greatness is created.

Without a shadow of a doubt the S3 derivative is the much beefier and better looking sibling of the range, a beautiful looking beast of a motor with a 2.0L Turbo charged FSI heart beating under the bonnet giving it performance that's second to none in its class. I however decided (mainly because the S3 Sportback wasn't available) to test the 1.8L TFSI SE version. As the SE line is one grade higher the entry level model of the range I thought it might be nice to see just what you get for £18,670 OTR. As always Audi doesn't disappoint when it comes to performance or standard equipment, lavishing plenty of electric gadgets and gizmo's throughout the car. Performance was outstanding with 0-62mph being taken care of quicker than Cardiff Mardi Gras (it's on, it's off, it's on again, it's definitely off) and with a lot less fuss.

Fuel economy was good, I was getting around 38mpg, which is more than adequate for a mid range petrol estate. Ride quality is good with the suspension soaking up lumps and bumps in the road, it still maintains a fairly sporty ride and remains calm and composed until heavy cornering at speed and twisting country roads really showcase just how good the overall handling is.

Overall I really enjoyed driving the A3 Sportback, when it comes to estates few (if any) do it better than Audi.

S3

 

Whether it's A3 or S3 it wont disappoint, probably one of the best hatchbacks on the road. I've driven the facelifted S3 and Wow does it move lol, the motoring equivalent of random sex with the hottest guy in the club (you know what I mean and you've all done it so stop pouting!). Get into an S3, all be it the one I had was bright Orange, Jesus Audi your premium not Ford trying to shift the RS Focus to the Chav Army! But anyway I digress, it gives you a warm feeling and you also know with the S3 that everyone's going to hear you coming, look and admire, then call you something unsavoury as you leave them standing at the lights (oh the joy lol).

Exterior wise the S3 is as subtle as a house brick, big wheels, big exhaust big noise and sporty as a Fitlads profile (note I said looks, as most of the "sporty" lads on Fitlads are the wrong side of 40 to be wearing footy kits). The Interior is functional whilst looking the business and you do really feel like your in a premium sports hatch rather than a run of the mill "hot hatch".

 

Performance wise the S3 is top dog within the A3 range however don't overlook the 1.8T A3, god knows what Audi have done to that little 1.8T engine but the performance is stunning from such a baby engine and you'll leave many bigger engined cars standing with total shock.

The A3 / S3 is a beautiful looking car, it handles well, performance is second to none, build quality is outstanding, however they are pricey so don't expect a bargain because it's not going to happen. Yes you'll pay more but you'll get your moneys worth, if you cant afford new, then look for a low mileage 2-3yr, as long as it's got a full Audi service history you shouldn't have any worries.

 

---

A4

 

 

The rep just got a whole new rich look, without a shadow of a doubt Audi appear to have set themselves the goal of not only dominating the upmarket rep wagon market, but also to totally destroy the 3 series BWM as it sits firmly in the wake of the new A4.

Now the A4 has always been one of the best saloons on the market, however having recently had the pleasure of spending a week in its company, you quickly realise that the best just got better. The interior was the one place that the A4 fell down, it was the car equivalent to a CK model, gorgeous to look at, desired by anyone with any sense and as soon as you got in it you felt slightly let down, the only saving grace was the great handling, fabulous ride and outstanding performance (I actually cant remember if I'm talking about the car or the CK model, no wait I've never played with a CK model).

However the new A4 has redressed it flaw of the old model and the interior is now a wonder to behold, more than ever it feels bigger, more airy, even more solid (if that was possible) and so well put together you really can't find fault. The one massive difference you notice straight away is how much the interior layout has changed, its more A6 / A8 inside and you really do feel like you're in a much bigger and more expensive motor.

Exterior looks have changed, with a new high more tapered rear, those sexy new rear lights and integrated boot lip means that even the non sporty versions still have a real sports look.
Then of course that all new nose, which now includes the 'Xenon plus' headlights, giving those oh so gorgeous LED light strip daytime running lights underneath the standard Xenon headlights. The 'big mouth' grill which is now on all the Audi range also helps make the new A4 look like a bigger and meaner beast.

Performance is something Audi and the A4 have always had the advantage in the market section and its only got better, the 143ps 2L TDI S line I had on test had shed loads of grunt and although 0-60 takes over 9 seconds it feels quicker, and light on its feet round corners. Overall handling is fantastic and you can't help but smile when your driving around as it car really is a joy to drive.

So it looks amazing, handles well, performs like a dream and feels modern and upmarket, the range starts at just under 20k and all models are surprisingly well equipped. Even the entry level Standard model comes with 16" alloys, driver information computer and 3 zone air conditioning. SE models come as standard with 17" alloys and plenty of gadgets and S Line sports range all have 18" alloys and plenty of sporting touches inside and out to make it worth seriously looking to spend a grand extra on the S Line.

A4 allroad

 

Now it may seem like Top Gayer does feature new Audi's every month, two a month sometimes lol, the reason being I hear you cry?  Audi are in the middle of launching one of the biggest ranges of cars in history, currently the Audi range is around a massive 34 models, and by the end of 2015 the range will be a world dominating 42 different models. 

Almost every month we're on an Audi launch for yet another new model.  The German giant is one of the few motoring manufacturers currently in profit (and those profits are huge).  Audi have no plans of slowing down, and why should they, the quality is excellent, performance fantastic and economy (of most) outstanding, they'll reliable and they have great residual values, so Audi is also a clever buy.

So on to the new A4 allroad, we tested the magnificent 3.0L V6 TDI version, which kicks out 235bhp and a 0-62mph time of 6.4 seconds.  It's also not a thirsty load lugger, returning nearly 40mpg on the motorway.   So what's so special about an off-road version of the A4 Avant?  Well the A6 allroad (its bigger brother) is a brilliant car, but it's big, very big and it's a bitch to park.  Its common knowledge that Audi's Quattro all wheel drive system is one of the best in the world.  Not everybody who wants the ability to pull a horsebox across a field on a Sunday wants an SUV, so the Q5 and Q7 are out as well.  So you don't want an SUV and you don't want a whacking great big A6 allroad, well now you can have the A4 in 'allroad' costume.  The exterior of the new A4 version is butcher than a bull dyke wielding a broken glass, big chunky wheel arches and bumpers, much higher ground clearance and a new more rugged looking grille complete the outfit. 

Safety equipment wise, it's typically Audi and loaded with gadgets and gizmos.  The Quattro system offers up permanent four wheel drive stability, this also means the A4 allroad is great fun to drive on tarmac, throwing it round and really giving it guts through twisting bends, all the time the car feels stable and totally stuck to the road.   There's also never a hint of wheel spin or slippage over bad surfaces. 

Chuck it over a field or across rough and rutted ground and the additional ground clearance proves useful and keeps the baby Avant plodding on.  Towing wise, thanks to the buckets of torque provided by the superb 3.0L TDI engine, it feels more capable of getting heavy loads from A to B, than Rosanne Barr's ankles. 

So street cred wise, will it break or make yours? It's actually a really cool looking motor, roof bars and butch extended wheel arches, rough and ready look about it, you can't help but feel like it's going to spend most of its life in M&S parking spaces.  One thing to remember, should Reading town centre ever be hit by a minor and fairly insignificant earthquake (one that's just strong enough to break the tarmac up into chunks) you'll definitely be in the queue of 4x4's drafted in to help with getting aid to the gays who haven't finished grabbing 'earthquake damaged' bargains at H&M.  

Now the other place this little Avant (Estate) shows its abilities is in the pure amount of stuff you can fit into it! It's the same cavernous space that's found in the normal A4 Avant, however its slightly higher, meaning that its easier to load and unload junk from your trunk. 

It's capable of transporting the entire gay golf team, complete all their clubs, across the alps in luxury and comfort, its unfazed by tight cornering and copes admirable with horrendous weather conditions that see only the toughest of SUV's out on the roads.  Now with the 3L diesel coming as standard with the unbelievably good S-Tronic 6sp Auto gearbox (twin clutch to ensure lighting quick auto changes up and down the gears) its just manner from heaven.   Add to this the A4 allroad Quattro adds striking 18-inch 10-spoke alloy wheels with allroad-specific tyres, special Tundra cloth upholstery and a storage pack including additional nets and compartments. Additional standard features can also be found in the 1,430-litre load bay, including a reversible load bay mat with one rubberized side for soiled footwear etc plus a flip over bumper protector, and a load area rail system and fixing kit for securing bulky loads using a telescopic bar and securing belt.  It's just so capable of being many things to many people, for me.. It's great for throwing dogs in the back of and taking them over the field, equally the next day I was moving Ikea wardrobes in it.  Starting at just under 30k for the 2.0L TDI it's a bargain and one that must be driven to be appreciated.
 

---

A5

 

Sportback

The unstoppable force of Audi strikes again!!  Just when you thought we had a derivative of every possible shape and size carrying the four rings of gorgeousness, here comes…. A HATCHBACK!

I say hatchback, however that doesn't do it justice, Sportback sounds sexy as, but again doesn't really tell you anything of the shape… It's really hard to describe the newest Audi on the block, because it's a 4dr version of the A5 Coupe.  So it's a 4dr coupe then, I hear your thinking, but you'd be WRONG.  Because its no saloon, opening the tailgate reveals that the whole rear of the car opens up hatchback-esque.  So it's a 5dr hatchback comes the cry from the back of the audience, and we're back to square one.  The A5 Sportback is like no hatchback I've seen or driven before.  It's the newest shape hitting the market from the manufacturer in the know, and it's going to be a huge seller.  Why have some flat-backed-wide-arsed-standard hatch when you could have something that looks and sounds like a sporty coupe, handles like a sporty coupe, but still gives you the ability to load 2 sales reps in the back via their own doors or open the boot and chuck the (very clean and freshly bathed and perfumed) dogs in the back.  

Now to say it handles well would be a tad on the side of understatement.  It's near perfection with a fantastic ride quality that just soaks up bumps in the road, but also just firm enough to emulate a sporting stance and drive.  Round corners and bends its more A5 Coupe than anything else, although you know there is plenty of body weight; it's as light as a scene queen who's skipped more than a couple of meals (if you know what I mean) on the bends.  The only real time you ever feel that this is a heavier and longer version of the A5 Coupe is when it comes to coming up behind someone, they tend to get out the way without a fuss.  That's because its an immensely powerful looking car when its heading towards you. 

The A5 Sportback is available with a number of engine options: 2.0 TFSI, 3.2 FSI quattro®, 2.0 TDI and 3.0 TDI quattro®. They all incorporate fuel-saving direct-injection technology; this means fuel is injected directly into the combustion chambers, so not a drop is wasted. The Sportback comes with a 6-speed manual gearbox, or you can opt for a 7-speed S tronic transmission, which uses an innovative dual-clutch system. It means that while you're accelerating in third, it's already pre-selecting fourth, so it changes gear in just a few milliseconds without any interruption in power. Alternatively, you can choose a 6-speed manual transmission, which puts you in complete control for a flexible and rewarding drive.


Now I tested the entry level engine, the 2.0L TFSI petrol mated with a 6sp manual gearbox, which kicked out an impressive 178bhp with a 0-62mhp time of 8.1 seconds.  I also tested the mighty 3.0L V6 TDI quattro diesel, those of you that read Top Gayer regularly will know I think of this engine as a work of both genius and beauty on Audi's part.  As always the diesel beast delivered with a more than impressive 236bhp and a 0-62mhp time of 6.1 seconds, which makes Gazelles in the Serengeti appear sluggish.  Of the two models I tested, without doubt the 3.0L diesel with its quattro drive system was the most entertaining and trilling to drive.  It's a technology that Audi introduced on to their rally and race cars over 25yrs ago, and to this day its hard to find a system that puts it to shame.  The 3.0L twinned with the 7sp box and quattro delivers ultimate control whilst enhancing the sporty characteristics.  For those of you who don't know what quattro is…. It's called quattro® permanent all-wheel-drive. The principle is simple: in the same way that four brakes ensure better deceleration, four permanently-driven wheels deliver better acceleration and road-holding, pushing or pulling the car as needed, for a driving experience that's both dynamic and safe. In the A5 Sportback asymmetric dynamic torque distribution continuously distributes drive power between the front and rear axles depending on weather conditions, road surface and gradient, which increases flexibility for an enhanced, sportier drive.  In my 2.0L TFSI I had Audi's new eco technology aimed at cutting both fuel usage and emissions, Audi have called it Automatic Start-Stop and its full of clever little electrickery to do the job its designed to do.

Basically the system comprises of: energy Recuperation system for optimal energy utilisation, twinned with energy-saving tips feature in the 'Driver's Information System'; including a gearshift indicator, which will tell you which gear you should be in and when to be the most economical driver you can be.  This system is only available on the 2.0 TFSI and 2.0 TDI manual engines, but it certainly works…  The two systems do make a huge difference to your fuel economy and work as so…. Energy Recuperation - When a car brakes, the brake discs convert the kinetic energy into thermal energy, which is wasted as it cannot be used. With a recuperation system, like the one in the 2.0L A5 Sportback I drove, the kinetic energy is converted into useful electrical energy. The way it works is simple. While the car is coasting or braking, the alternator voltage is raised above the level of the basic electrical system, which enables the alternator to generate electrical energy and store it temporarily in the battery. When the car accelerates, this energy is used to relieve the load on the alternator, resulting Audi says 'in a fuel saving of 3%'.  Now the real savings kick in when you twin that system with the Automatic Start-Stop function.  The system works in heavy traffic by switching off the engine when the car comes to a standstill. As soon as you touch the clutch, the car restarts. In conjunction with TDI and TFSI, Audi says it helps save 0.4 litres of fuel every 100km.
 
So the new A5 Sportback, even with at entry level is quick, sporty, great to drive, handles like a dream and thanks to the fact its got 5drs, a practical load-through boot (including folding rear seats) and enough space to seat 4 adults and fill their luggage in the boot, it's a supreme motor.

I love it so much I want to settle down and have kids with in, hell there's enough space in the boot to have kids in it (I mean give birth to kids in it!). So then it comes down to the age old issue of price…. It's an Audi, so if your expecting it to be cheap, best you forget all you've read and go for a Ford.  However, if you want reliability that's second to none, build quality that shouts upmarket, luxury and 'we know what we're doing', then this is the price you'll be paying…. The entry level 2.0L S Sportback with the standard 6sp manual gearbox starts at a very reasonable £23,710 OTR, then the pricing goes all the way up to the top of the range 3.0L V6 TDI quattro diesel S-Line (which is worth every last penny) at £36,220 OTR.  Although no plans have been announced yet for an S5 Sportback, I doubt it will be long.

  ..........

A5 Cabriolet

Several things can be stated without fear of being proved wrong, Graham Norton will always be irritating and a bad stereotype, British summertime will be a total disappointment and last no more than three weeks, I will continue wasting money playing the lottery and will almost definitely not win the jackpot and Audi Cabriolets will always be a touch of brilliance and massively popular with the general public. 

So the A4 Cabriolet has driven off into the sunset and that eternal summer in the sky, yes it will be hugely missed, it's been a market leader for more than a decade and was almost unfaultable.  But here's the good news, the A4 Cabriolet will be replaced by a car that defies belief when it comes to build quality, styling and just out-and-out gorgeousness - the all new A5 Cabriolet (oh come on, like you couldn't have seen that coming!).  The A5 is a stunning 4 seater motor, whatever angle it happens to catch your eye, you aren't disappointed.  Compared to the A4 is of equal size, but its road presence slaps the outgoing A4 Cab to the kerb.  It's imposing, its just beautiful to look at, with super-sexy curves in all the right places and a waistline that would make a catwalk model put down her lettuce leaf lunch and run to the toilet, finger at the ready.  As a replacement I can't help but feel, styling wise, it's in a different league to that of the A4.

It also remains a soft fabric top in a world of hard top coupe-convertibles, which actually is really nice as with the roof closed it looks much sportier than most of the hard top coupe convertibles with the roof up.  Due to the fabric roof, the rear end profile is more Vanessa Williams that the Vanessa Feltz profile of many of the hard top drop tops.  Boot space is another area is class leading thanks to that fabric hood, even with the hood down there's plenty of space for a weekend break's luggage for two. That hood is also lightening quick, dropping in 15secs and closing back up in a just as quick 17secs, which means that should the rain start (like it did in Spain on the launch) you wont get soaked.  The other seriously great feature of the hood is that it can be dropped or raised at speeds of up to 31mph, meaning no more pulling over to let the sun in or shut the rain out.

Now I got to attend the Audi launch of the all new car, yes it was in Granada, yes the roads were great, the weather however turned out to be more British than Spanish.  I did however get to test the A5 on some of the best road routes to highlight just how good the A5 is.  I tested both the 3.0L TDI Quattro S Line Diesel and the 2.0L TFSI Petrol models.  Neither engine disappointed, both performing outstanding and proving that Audi will keep fighting for the crown of King of the Cabriolets, but let's start with the 2.0L model:  The front wheel drive 2L models has the superb 210bhp 2.0L TFSI engine mated with a 6sp gearbox, which gives a lively fun drive, it's definitely a cruiser more than a performance motor.  The ESP stability program and all new suspension and chassis ensure that even the base model can be thrown around and be a lot of fun to drive.  It's comfortable on long journeys, although I thought rear legroom was adequate but not outstanding.  0-62mph takes 7.5secs so its not exactly slow, top speed is 150mph and the economical soft top will do 42mpg on the combined cycle, so it shouldn't cost a fortune in fuel.
The entry level model comes with plenty of kit and toys to keep you happy and is well worth the base price of £29,800 OTR

Moving on to the top end of the range, the Quattro 3L Turbocharged TDI Diesel we tested, WOW is all I will say.  The engine mated with Audi's outstanding Quattro 4 wheel drive system really brings the A5 Cab to life, totally changing it from a cruiser to an high performance sports cab.  The extra bhp from the bigger engine unit cut the 0-62mph time down to 6.4secs and still returns almost the same fuel economy figures.  It's more fun, and just as exciting, as a dirty weekend with Ryan Reynolds (to be fair you're more likely to spend a weekend with the car than you are Mr Reynolds, dirty or not).  With the S line kit added the A5 also gets a bigger beefier body and is slightly more buff than the aforementioned hunk (in a towel). 

Thanks to the Quattro system this is another Audi with more attitude than Gwyneth Paltrow.  The handling is second to none, whether your toddling along or aggressively tanking down country lanes, its true driver entertainment to the absolute maximum.  I just smiled from ear to ear when pushing it into tight corners and down the twisting Spanish mountain roads. Audi and performance that just makes you want to drive for hours go hand in hand like Big Brother 10 and boredom, without a shadow of a doubt the new A5 especially in Quattro 3L TDI S Line guise is definitely the Cabriolet for 2009, the Quattro 3L S Line starts at £40,390 OTR, if you can wait another 6 months the S5 Cabriolet will be on the roads starting at £42,000 for more seriously performance car drivers. 

 

---

A6

---

A8

---

TT

 

Coupe

 

The new TT has been a long time coming but it's finally here, longer, wider, higher, faster and to applause all round by the national motoring press. Is it a better car than out-going model though? Well I (never being one to go with the crowd) hated the previous TT with the same passion I have on reserve for Jude Law, should he ever come knocking on my door having seen the gay light and wanting to be helped gently and sweatily on the road to being a fully fledged homo. The old model in my opinion was an ugly cramped pain-in-the-arse-to-drive fairly unstable biscuit tin with about as much driver appeal as a suicide machine without the morphine (I didn't ever drive the 3.2 only ever the entry model). 

However the new one, well damn it I'm going to have to sort of run with the herd! It looks stunning and really turns heads it still has an ageless appeal and looks like it's straight out of i-robot. One new feature that not only ups the cool points but also improves the overall handling and grip over the old model is the speed sensitive retractable rear spoiler that fully deploys at higher speeds, helping the new TT stick to the road and cling to bends under more "adventurous" driving.

Inside it's welcomingly less retro than the old model and a far more grownup "Audi" dash and switchgear layout awaits you, then there's the sound system which is superb and really matches the image of the car well. The 2.0 TFSI is well equipped with full leather interior and 6sp Manual box as standard and already looking as though it will be the most popular of the two models. The range topping 3.2 Quattro also comes with 18" special alloys, Audi's amazing Quattro four wheel drive (the only car in it's class to offer four wheel drive), twin exhausts (one either side instead of both to the left as with the TFSI) chrome detail front lights, darker rear lights, upgraded leather and bigger disc brakes front and rear.

The 250bhp 3.2 model is quick with 0-62 in 5.7secs (s-tronic gearbox), a lot owing to it's hybrid aluminium space frame that makes it the lightest car of all the compact coupes in the market. So how does it stack up against the competition? Well the 3.2 Quattro is better equipped like for like (that four wheel drive as standard is going to hurt the competition!!) and it's over 2k cheaper than both the Z4 3.0 and the Merc SLK 280, much the same performance and I think it wipes the floor looks wise with both of them

RS

You have to wonder exactly what Audi know that most of the other motoring manufacturers don't.  Just when you thought the Audi model line-up couldn't get any better (or madder) here comes the TT RS.  More powerful than any TT before it, it's definitely an extreme TT.  Its actually one of the most powerful cars in the sector, only the Mercedes SLK 55 AMG has slightly more bhp.  I got the chance to test drive this monster both in Coupé and Convertible versions, to say neither disappointed would be an understatement. 

So how's best to describe the look of the newest TT on the block?  For those of you that have ever played the 'Need For Speed - Undercover' computer game, you've probably created this monster yourself in the game, by 'modding 'the hell out of a regular TT lol.  For those of you that haven't played the game (one of the best driving games in the world!); imagine big tail-end spoiler, side skirts to the floor and front and rear bumpers that are more aggressive than drag queen in a bad mood.   You can see from a mile off this is no ordinary run-of-the-mill TT; this ones got more muscle than your average steroid-popping gym bunny, a big attitude and an even bigger body kit to match.  It's also got colossal performance and handling to match its 'are you talking to me' looks.  It's also got one of the best 6-speed manual gearboxes I've ever used, the short-shift ratios, and mean supercar-esque lightening changes up and down the box, helping harness all that power. 

So how have Audi managed to get 337bhp and a 0-62mph time of 4.6 seconds out of a 2.5L turbocharged engine? Without getting too technical! Firstly they chopped a V8 engine in half and created an all new and unique 5 cylinder engine, then they found a turbocharger lying around and bolted that on to it, then they put the engine in the wrong way round!  That's right instead of the engine being mounted facing front on; the TT RS's is mounted running from side to side.  So if an arse about face engine wasn't enough, Audi then tuned it up to deliver performance and handing more akin to the TT's big brother the R8.  For good measure, and to ensure you can use all that power, the RS comes as standard with Audi's magnificent Quattro permanent four-wheel-drive system.  This ensures that pressing the sport button and planting your foot into the shag pile, doesn't sit you kissing trees on the first corner you encounter.

Now the sport button does many different things, in my case; rarely get clicked off! By activating the sport button the driving dynamics of the already insane two door changes significantly. You get a more direct throttle response, and at the same time, activate the exhaust system flaps, giving you a beefy and richer exhaust note.  This also works alongside the ESP stability control.  Audi have put some thought into driving characteristics. Rather than just a simple 'on/off' system, the ESP has a two stage de-activation. Press 'Sport' and the ESP system disables the ASR traction control and raises the ESP control to a higher threshold so intervention takes place later, giving you a more thrilling drive and putting you more in control of the car.  The second stage totally disables the ESP completely, which means its just you, the car and the road (hopefully not including 'the hedge, the tree, the ditch, the A&E, the morgue').

This is a car that's all about performance and handling so the RS team have tuned just about everything up to ensure it doesn't disappoint, and it doesn't.  They've also lowered the TT RS suspension for a meatier ride, and a beefier sporty profile.

To drive it's a dream (a wet one), it clings to the road like Jimmy Carr to old jokes, cornering is just breathtaking.  I really pushed the little Audi on my test and I couldn't make it faultier from its poised handling.  I even partook in a bit of a race with Vikki Butler-Henderson (one of the best female drivers in Europe), who happened to be on the launch as well.  Granted due to her immense driving skills every now and then she lost in me corners and on twisting rain soaked country roads, but I caught her up (never passed her lol)  and truly pushed the TT RS to its limits.  Everything about the TT RS is right, drive it hard and it loves every minute, but it's also practical and spacious enough to use as an everyday car.  So whether you're hacking round a track or pop down to the shops and fitting your weeks shopping in the boot, you'll be grinning from ear to ear.

I have to say I'm so impressed with the TT RS, yes the Coupé starts at just under forty three grand and the Convertible at just under forty five, but it's worth every penny.  If you want one, get ordering it now, as over half of this year's stock is already sold.  Audi are only making 600 of these little monsters between now and 2010, ensuring that this will remain a sought after motor for years to come.
 

---

Q5

 

Audi's Q5 might be at the most expensive end of the SUV / Crossover market; I actually tested the mid-range spec level with the top diesel engine under the bonnet.  I have to say Audi's 3.0L TDI is one of the best, in the not just the range, but the motoring industry and it certainly doesn't disappoint in the Q5's body.

Everything about the Q5 screams quality, great design with practicality and functionality with style and flair.  It's a superbly capable off-road and in bad weather conditions thanks to Audi's outstanding Quattro all wheel drive system.  The higher ground clearance isn't just the only thing the Q5 has to make sure that you stay the right way up off-road, hill descent and off-road ESP (electronic stability programme, it isn't psychic lol) means fields and hills wont prove a problem, yes the Q5 will definitely get you where you need to be, regardless of the terrain in between you and where you need to be.

Standard spec for the SE level (mid range) gives a plethora of kit, including upgrading the standard 17" alloys for 18" (its all about that extra inch guys lol), upgraded 10 speaker kick-arse stereo system that will ensure even the dead can hear you arrive, scrumptious leather interior over the standard cloth and a shed load of other toys, gadgets and chrome things that although you don't need em make the car look amazing.

Performance from that big 3.0L Diesel doesn't disappoint, 0-62mph takes an 'wipe the competition out'  earth moving 6.5secs, which when you bare in mind that this is an SUV is more than quick.  In fact the Q5 3.0L Diesel version is one of the fastest in the sector.  Fuel economy doesn't suffer either for all that power, with a combined fuel consumption of 37mpg its actually a very fuel efficient and powerful car, so all you eco-warriors out there cursing the Q5 can just button it.

Price wise, the car I tested had just about every optional extra Audi do, and yes it was one of the most pleasurable cars I've driven for a long time, however all the optional extra's on my test car pushed the price up from a reasonable £34,650 OTR to a staggering 50K (yes that's right FIFTY THOUSAND POUNDS!!), don't get me wrong I think the car I had was superb and the toys and gadgets kept me happy all day long for a week, however just be careful just how many optional extra you load yours with.  Worth every penny and my personal choice if your looking an SUV in the 30k - 40k price range.

 

---

Q7

 

How much do I love Audi's newest offering? So much that I want to have a commitment ceremony with it adopt and raise Himalayan whistle kids and then retire to a beach bar in Florida with it. Audi really have raised the bar for the premium level SUV market, the only reason it hasn't won our car of the year is because it wasn't out in time to be considered as I hadn't driven it.
Outside it's just stunning, it just beautiful to look at, inside it's the same, it feels solid and so expensive, it's just typical Audi through and through, but the Q7 is a whole new ball game, as good on the road as it is off it it's such a pleasure to drive, with the 3.0 TDI being both great on fuel but also quicker than a label queen to a Hugo Boss sale. It's a full 7 seater meaning that you and your friends can all travel in style class and luxury together instead of having to take 2 cars. It's also full of cleaver little gadgets and although totally pointless I just love the electric tailgate (for those to lazy or feebly to hold the rear door handle and lift your arm).

Audi gets 10 out of 10 for design, build quality, style and practicality for the Q7, in fact if I didn't know better I'd think this thing was designed to be a homo holder.

 

---

R8

 

If men were cars this particular motor would have Vin Diesel's body, Brad Pitt's face and Daniel Craig's arse.  I know my dream man is half black, half white and has a combined age of 125, but the point I'm making is that the R8 is a fantasy come true, take-your-breathe-away styling coupled with road dominating performance.  As sports cars go it ticks all the boxes, beauty, brawn, power, stability and desirability.

Suitable for everyday awe inspiring use, the V8 4.2L FSI engine does 0-62mph in 4.6 seconds with an equally amazing soundtrack coming from the mid-mounted engine and the quad exhausts.   The Quattro four wheel drive system means that when you choose to use all 415bhp the engine produces, the handling is phenomenal with the cornering ability leaving you breathless.   

The R8 is indescribably fantastic; words just can't do this car justice.  Sex appeal wise, trust me, behind the wheel of this motor you're suddenly so desirable that anybody, male female straight gay old or young wants to be your friend anytime, anywhere.  So what will the ability to transform into someone slightly more appealing than Mark Wahlberg in his Tighty whitey CK's cost you?  Well all this gorgeousness, power and street cred starts at £79,000, however, start choosing the colour of the sexy side blades, add the 19" or 20" wheels, sling Sat Nav and the Audi's cracking sports auto gearbox on and its nearer £90,000.  But it's still worth every single last penny, I'm in love!

5.2 V10

 

It's finally here and ready to order, the super-super 5.2L V10 version of Audi's R8 super-car will be on UK roads within the next few weeks. For the few that have had the privilege of either driving or being a passenger in the al ready released 4.2L version of the sex-on-four-wheels R8 - It's even better. For the even fewer that have managed to become the owner of the 4.2L version - ouch, you REALLY should have waited! Now don't get me wrong, the 4.2L is still an immense motor, but this new incarnation, well it really is the best of the best. It's like paying £80,000 out for a penis enlargement, getting an extra 2ins so you've got 8, then finding out that if you'd spent 20k more you could have had 10".

The reason I'm going down this route of talking R8's and penis enlargement's [trust me there is an explanation!]? Because anybody reading this article that a) isn't into cars b) isn't male and c) isn't in their right mind, will have without question at the start of this article uttered, all be it under their breath, "penis extension". If you are one of those people - Get back into your Ssangyong Rexton crap wagon and go find your sense of style and taste, for you have lost it somewhere.

If you have a spare £104,050 (don't forget the fifty!) lying around, then the 5.2L R8 is definitely the motor to blow your load on (take that sentence as you so wish, both connotations are applicable). It's faster, handles tighter and it sounds / looks even more amazing. The styling of 5.2L changes slightly over the 4.2L, this is so any R8 drivers you pass in the 4.2L may bury their weeping face into their hands safe in the knowledge that you have a) even better handling and a faster car b) even more money than them.

The subtle and not so subtle differences between the V8 and the V10 (which will induce unparalleled levels of jealousy and envy, and not just from other R8 drivers) are: over 80bhp more. Deeper side intake blades, because that MUCH bigger 5.2L FSI V10, needs even more air to keep it cool (cool like its owner!). Even sexier 10 spoke Alloys. Audi Magnetic Ride (the reason for the better, sharper handling) as standard. All LED lights (including full beam, a world first). Oval exhaust tailpipes and finally big V10 badges on the front wings and the engine bay. Inside its much the same story, with the standard equipment list proving that it may be an expensive motor, but its value for money as well: upgraded Sat Nav system, interior and engine bay LED light pack, electric heated seats, stainless steel 'racing' pedals and one final 'my car is the doggies knackers' blow, a top of the range 12 speaker Bang & Olufson sound system, kicking out an eardrum shattering 465 watts (over 320 Watts more than the 4.2L's stereo).

I had the pleasure of being one of Audi's guests in Granada for the launch of the new model. Hat's off to Audi for choosing one of the best driving routes I've ever had the pleasure of road testing on. The V10 R8 loved the long open fast flowing Spanish roads and the twisting neck-breaking G-force inducing mountain passes. Audi's reasoning for the road routes was very quickly apparent - you can throw anything at the V10's Magnetic Ride suspension system and it'll soak it up, then slap you round the face in a 'is that the best you've got bitch' fashion. Audi have set a new benchmark for everyday super-car performance and handling.

The perfect precision handling is down to the 50/50 weight distribution ensuring that the car sits perfectly on the road regardless of the conditions your driving. Plant your foot to the floor coming out of a heavy bend and the back end kicks out in pure driving poetry, the Quattro four wheel drive system kicks and ensures that the sideways motion is a thrill rather than a danger, the engine roar kicks in and off you go.

Out and out power is without a shadow of a doubt an aphrodisiac; the V10 R8 is a road going Viagra. 0- 62mph takes 3.9 seconds (the V8 takes 4.6) and powers all the way up to 197mph (V8 187mph), which to be frank, unless you're a racing superstar on the Le Mann's circuit, trying to attempt to reach the top speed will almost definitely end up with your stupid lifeless body being removed from the wreckage by firemen. Just remember, power is knowledge, have the knowledge to remember that your aren't an Audi racing driver, just a very wealthy and equally as lucky S.O.B who has the good fortune to be driving one of the best performance sports cars on the market.

Just in case you hadn't guessed by now - I'm a fan, I'm the biggest fan… So it's perfection, its beautiful, supremely stylish, almost everyone (bar the nutter in the corner drawing on the walls in crayon) wants one, there is only one
problem with the new V10 R8 - I haven't got one!